wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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