i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
