Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
