What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
