i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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