He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
