i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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