Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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