I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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