Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
