You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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