apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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