I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I need to stop coming to work sober
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
