Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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