Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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