Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
