Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
