I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There's always time for handjobs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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