I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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