I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
