Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
