I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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