Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
