It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
