Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
