Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
