ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
