At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
