i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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