He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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