If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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