I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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