Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
