Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
