Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
