the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
