The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
