Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
