I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
