I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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