so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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