I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
