Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
