I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
