I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
