I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
40s are totally the cure
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
