Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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