Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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