My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I look better un-naked...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
