Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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