this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
