my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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