Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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