There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
