Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
