My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
