Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
