if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
