3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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