You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
