We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
