i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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