No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How's work?
Spinning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
