Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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