No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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