I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
