Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
