I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
