3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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